


and love is not a victory march

by brookethenerd



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 11:39:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8889346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brookethenerd/pseuds/brookethenerd
Summary: au in which philip gets shot instead of lukas





	

It takes Lukas a full minute to realize Philip is gone. He doesnt hear the shot through his helmet and the screaming of his bike, and it isnt until he’s safely back on the ground that he kicks down the stand and climbs off the bike, tugging the helmet off.

He scans the hill for Philip, wondering if maybe he went up to get a better shot.

Then he sees his hand, splayed across the grass, and everything inside of him goes still.

He chucks the helmet away, and runs for Philip. When he reaches him, he drops to his knees, eyes wide, heart hammering in his chest.

There’s blood. So much of it, way too much. That much blood should never be outside of someone’s body. And Philip, his face shouldn’t be so pale.

The logical part of Lukas’ brain tells him to make sure the shooter is gone, but the rest of him is screaming Philip Philip Philip, and that’s the part that wins.

He’s too stunned to do anything other than pull Philip’s head into his lap, cradling it in his hands. He’s terrified that if he leaves to get help, Philip will die.

He can’t let Philip die alone. If it’s going to happen at all, it needs to be in the hands of someone who cares about him. If he’s going to die today, it’ll be in Lukas’ arms, not by himself in the grass.

Lukas thought they had time. He doesn’t really like to think about the future, not now, but sometimes he dreams about him and Philip, a few years later, in their own little apartment in the city. It’s a loft with big windows. Philip is going to school, and Lukas is getting big in the motocross world. But he still comes home every night, and the two tangle their limbs together, and wake up in the same bed.

It’s a dream he never speaks of, but holds close to him all day long.

But now Philip is dying, and Lukas can’t do anything but hold him.

Someone runs up behind him, and then there’s yelling and screaming and he hears a siren, but all there is is Philip. Time passes in a blink, and EMT’s are bending in front of him, checking Philip. Someone tries to pull him off, but Lukas doesn’t let go. He can’t let go.

Philip can’t die alone. He can’t die in the hands of some random doctors.

“No-No, you can’t take him!” Lukas exclaims, struggling against the people holding onto his arms.

“Get off! Don’t take him!”

“We have to take him to the hospital-“

“You can’t take him from me. You can’t take him!” Tears are clogging his throat, and he can barely breathe, and Philip is so pale, and he can’t let go he can’t let go he can’t let go.

“Lukas. Lukas, they have to take him to the hospital.” Helen says, kneeling in front of Lukas, trying to mask her own horror.

“I can’t lose him. Don’t take him.” Lukas pleads. A tear slips down Helen’s cheek, and she reaches a hand out towards Lukas. He looks down at Philip once more, but takes her hand, and lets her pull him up.

Then the EMT’s are loading Philip onto a stretcher, and Helen has an arm around Lukas, and he’s staring down at his blood-soaked hands.

Gabe pulls up with the truck a few seconds after the ambulance leaves, and Helen and Lukas climb in, Kamilah in the car behind them.

Lukas blinks, and he’s standing in the hallway, Gabe sitting in a chair behind him.

“This wasn’t your fault, Lukas.”

“I couldn’t hear. I couldn’t hear because of that damn helmet. If I could, maybe-“ He backs up, sinking into the chair next to Gabe.

“I could have stopped it. I could have done something.” Lukas says.

“Lukas, listen to me.” Gabe says. Lukas turns to look at him, trying to keep his tears from falling.

“This was not your fault.” He says. Lukas averts his gaze, and drops his head in his hands, tugging on his hair.

“I know how much you care about him. He’s going to be okay.”

“You don’t know that.” Lukas says.

“I do know that he cares about you a lot. And he won’t blame you for what happened.”

Lukas lifts his head, brows pulling together slightly.

He doesn’t even try to hide it. He doesn’t backtrack, or try and convince Gabe that they’re just friends.

“I never told him. I never told him that I cared.”

“He knows, Lukas. He knows.”

“What if he doesn’t?” Lukas asks, looking over at him. Gabe purses his lips, and places a hand on Lukas’ leg.

“He knows.”

Lukas closes his eyes, letting out a shaky breath.

In another blink, he’s being shaken awake by Gabe, who stands over him with coffee.

“He’s out of surgery, but he stilll hasn’t woken up. You can go see him now.” Gabe says.

Lukas tumbles out of the chair, getting to his feet. He’s tired and sore but all that matters is that Philip is alive.

“Is-is he going to wake up?”

Gabe pauses. “We don’t know yet.”

He leads Lukas to a hospital room, and gestures for him to go in.

“Can he hear me?” Lukas asks.

“Just talk to him.” Gabe says.

Lukas swallows, and walks into the room, dropping into the chair by Philip’s bed.

He takes Philip’s hand in his, and then lets himself look at him.

He’s pale, and weak looking, but he’s alive, and that’s all that matters.

Lukas ducks his head, forehead pressing into the mattress. He stays that way for a moment, taking a breath, before bringing himself to look at Philip again.

“You know, you came in here, and you changed everything. You changed me. And I try to be angry at you, but then I look at you and I just-“ He stops, voice shaking.

“I just-I just love you. So much that it scares me.” Lukas says, testing the words out. He’s only said them to a few people, and it’s a bit odd to do it. But he means them, and he needs Philip to hear them, somehow.

“And that’s why you can’t go. Don’t leave me here alone, Philip. Please.” Lukas whispers, closing his eyes.

“I love you.” He says again. He decides he likes the way it sounds, especially when directed at Philip.

And he vows right then to keep telling him. Until Philip can really hear him, and after. Until Philip can say it back.


End file.
